I recently had a birthday. I used to love my birthday. When I was young, I got present. Later, I used my birthday as an excuse to throw parties to celebrate me as I was incredibly self-involved. Then, after my 21st birthday, they lost meaning. I went through the motions at 22 since I was still in college, but then I was new in town the next year, working crazy hours the two years after that, and in another new town after that. For me, birthdays lost meaning. There was no need for pomp and circumstance as it was just another day.
As I got older, I would hear of people lament about being another year older. I thought 30 might make me feel old, but it didn’t. It has been a slow enough physical decline that as long as I don’t sprint, I really don’t notice any of my physical incapabilities. I felt good at 30. I felt good at 35. Even 37, I felt I could justify being in my mid-30s, and at mid-30s, Jesus was still performing miracles, but never at Red Rocks, which is a real shame.
Just a few months ago, my buddy was complaining about getting old, and not being able to do the things we used to do. But I said I didn’t really feel it yet. I’ve seamlessly altered my lifestyle to embrace my age. I’m not doing heavy weight lifting anymore which I miss at times, but body weight exercises agree with me these days. I’m certainly not drinking like I used to, but drinking makes me feel like shit for 1-3 days afterwards so it’s not really worth the sacrifice. That’s not getting old; that’s getting wise. I’m still a young buck.
But then I turned 38, and that age just sounds old. I can’t justify my mid-30s anymore. There is no athlete that is 38 where age isn’t the first thing people bring up when talking about their performance, “Damn, 38 and still competing? That guy must have an insane health regimen.”
I can’t delude myself that I’m a young man anymore, and I am a very delusional person. Gray hairs are not a sign of age; they’re a sign of…well, sometimes gray hairs happen, okay? I’ve got a weird growth by my knee; it’s harmless, but it’s objectively disgusting, but it was never an age thing. But let’s face it; it’s clearly an age thing.
I look at other Dads and think that they look old as shit while I am still in my prime, but again, it’s a delusion. I’ve managed to stay in good shape, but my face is growing older, and those gray hairs are multiplying. I’m 20 years from being in high school. I’ve been married for almost nine years, my child will be turning four, and I’m on my second dog as an adult.
There’s no way to spin it; 38 is not a young man’s age. I’m officially old, and it’s going to take a little why as I work my way through that knowledge. I know I’ll eventually come around to acceptance, because, unfortunately, I ain’t gettin’ any younger. So I might as well enjoy 38 for the next year, because, from what I’ve learned through extensive research, 39 is even older.