I have always wanted to be a meathead. Just be about lifting weights, making gains, and showing no evolution beyond a neanderthal. Unfortunately, I'm a poser. I lifted weights, made the slightest gains, and I read books like a nerd. That meathead life just wasn't for me. But one area where I do fulfill my dream of being that stereotypical male dumbass is I constantly measure myself up against other people in case I need to throw down. I know it's stupid, but anytime I cross someone's path, I become Mac from It's Always Sunny and give them an ocular pat down in case things escalate over some unforeseen reason.
Realistically, it's not going to turn out well for me.
I'm 5'9" and 155 pounds after a large meal. Size definitely matters in fighting. Yeah, Royce Gracie gave little guys hope, but even he was 30 pounds heavier than me and had been fighting his whole life. I have been fighting since...well, I mean, I've never actually been in a fight, but I've played out thousands in my head while crossing paths with strangers.
And now that I have a son, I just keep thinking about the conversation that popular culture tells me happens on playgrounds worldwide, "My Dad can beat up your Dad." I don't remember ever having this conversation or ever having this conversation used against me, but I have seen it enough in television and movies to know it's real in my heart, and some day, my son is going to write a check that my ass can't cash.
I've done some mixed martial arts training, especially in wrestling in jiu jitsu, and I did enough to earn the respect of people I trained with. But at the same time, I'd be lying if I said I had never had my ass HANDED to me by various females during training, so I'm not exactly an invincible warrior.
Plus these Dads I have run into are damn huge. They're like 6'3" and 250 pounds. I'm aware of my abilities, and they aren't to the level necessary to overcome that sort of size disadvantage. Are those guys in as good of shape as me? Probably not, but in the best case scenario, I take one hell of a beating before they start to tire out. I don't think my son will be too impressed as I keep assuring him to wait for hour two, since there's a decent chance I don't make it to minute two.
So instead, I have to instill in him early that fighting is not the answer and to do what I did and use my wit to not get hit. If that doesn't work, I just have to seriously hope that no parent takes him up on the fight offer. Otherwise I'm going to have to teach my son that the manliest thing to do in a fight is run away as fast as you can.
Especially if it's against a mother.