Potty Training: Day 3

This is the day I noticed my brain breaking

It is now day three of our potty training adventure, and we are trying to find positives while questioning everything. Is this not the method? Do we need to switch the potty? Should we alter the language we use? My wife has an itchy finger for change, but I push to stay the course as it's a rather small sample size so far. We decide to up our recording efforts to give us a better idea of how his intake of liquids affects his pee schedule.

He starts stirring at 4:45. He decides to get out of bed at 5:10 with a yogurt at 5:15.

He eats a smoothie at 7:05. 

Neither of these result in urination, so that is the end of me recording what he drinks throughout the day, because it's clear this man is in control of his bladder.

1. Took his first pee at 8:20 in the playroom. Mommy tried to transfer him to his toilet, but during that process he decided to pee all over his Mommy. There were full outfit changes for both baby boy and Mommy.

2. At 9:35, he peed on his toy castle, but we were able to move him to the potty in time for a third of a pee. Hell yeah.

You may notice the absence of something through these first three days. The man has not gone to brown town since we started potty training. He poops 1-2 times a day, and we were definitely getting concerned. I had just watched an episode of Big Mouth where holding poop in can give you shit for brains, and I know that's a cartoon, but it seemed real to me considering what we were dealing with. So, we really wanted him to poop. We decided to sacrifice training to make sure that this man was able to dispose of his waste.

3. At 1:15, there was a brownout. He took care of business, and we just let it happen. After he pooped, I caught up with him and reached around to wipe his butt. His butt cheeks were so tight, I thought he had them vacuum-sealed. Then I realized what was happening. He was currently pushing out urine and he was peeing all over my leg. Pretty smooth move, muchacho.

4. At 1:40, he pooped again. He did it outside, which was nice, and although I saw the turd exiting, he pushed faster than I could carry, and I came up about six feet short of his potty as the poop fell to the ground with a thud. 

5. He peed on his car ramp at 3:20, but I got him to the potty for the final 10% of his pee.

I'll admit that during these early days, my brain was not functioning at 100%. I was so intensely watching for pee that I started imagining it. I saw piss streaming onto the floor, would run him over to his potty frantically, and after coming back, it was bone dry as it had all been a mirage. There were times where I proactively sat him on his potty, and swore I saw something, but then looked at the bottom, and there was nothing. I don't believe potty training is good for mental health.

6. Mommy takes over around 4:00, and she has a nose like a bloodhound. At 4:25 she sniffed something funky and notices that he's in a slight squat and holding onto his castle with both hands. She sprints him to the potty where he drops a deuce. Victory!

7. While cleaning out the removable piece of his potty in the bathtub, he is standing and admiring her hard work. He is also peeing on the side of the tub, but my wife does wisely put the part under his stream to at least catch part of it.

Unfortunately, even after this small victory, she is met with a defeat as it still smells funky in the playroom. Although she had given a valliant effort, it turns out she didn't catch the initial poop in time as he had dropped a log off in his castle.

On top of that, he had also smeared poop on the carpet as she wasn't able to give him a proper butt wipe during the melee. He finally had gotten three days worth of poop out of his system. Before his first poop of the day, I estimate 25% of his mass was feces.

8. Peed in bathtub. Eh, close enough.

At this point, I think I have given you a fairly good idea of those early days, so I am going to stop recounting every tinkle and bowel movement he goes through in the future. Trust me, there are still plenty of stories to be had.