Parenting during the pandemic has been a bit of a blessing for us. Sure, we lost our jobs, but we found new work eventually so we’re doing alright there. The big thing that it did was give us a ton of time to spend with our son, and it's been incredible. Things started right after his first birthday, and the timing worked incredibly well for us as we were in the process of moving him to a different daycare, and we just kind of pulled back until things calmed down (will they ever calm down?).
So for the past year and a half, it has just been us hanging out together. I was lead when my wife was working more, and then my wife took the lead when I started working more, and we've just found a way to balance our work and home lives as they are greatly intertwined now that we work from home. It's been an incredible 18 months watching him change so much in so little time.
We knew it wouldn't last forever. I mean, eventually you have to let go and let them live a life that doesn't involve you in every aspect. I don't want to miss anything, but as time goes on, I'm going to miss more and more.
A couple months ago, my wife did research on potential places for him to go to daycare. She found a place she loved, and put herself at the end of a long waiting list. Since she has basically been taking care of him full time (which is approximately 54,000 times as difficult as my work), she's been working on a part-time basis, but the plan was for her to work more full-time eventually, although it was tough to say when that was going to be. Hopefully we'd be able to get him into a good place when the time came, even though we'd probably be scrambling to find the best available option.
That all changed when the ideal spot called with an opening. Then, we were scrambling in a different way. Does it make sense to send him to daycare when we don't have to? There was some back and forth, but the more we talked about it, the more we leaned towards sending him away. We knew we were going to miss having him around, but it's probably better to send him a little early than have to scramble and send him to a far inferior place. I mean, the place he goes has a two-story treehouse in the building. It's freaking sweet.
But it still sucks. It hit me hard when my wife left for the weekend, and it was father-son bonding time (with dog very much in the mix). It was great at times, frustrating at other times, totally exhausting, but at the end of the day, I always felt good about how I spent my time and who I spent it with. It's hitting my wife even harder as they have those times all the time.
As I write this, he's in the middle of day three. The first day was not good, the second day was bad, and the third day, he tried to grab onto Mommy with every fiber of his being as he was dropped off, so not a great start. It's not easy, but we know it will get better as almost every child goes through this tough transition at some point. It's also very weird in that we work from home, and we're sending him away despite us spending our days at home without him. We still have to do work, and that is pretty difficult with a two-year-old running around like a maniac 90% of the time. But I definitely miss looking out my window and seeing him playing like a wildman out back.
I know I can't hang on forever since he needs the freedom to become his own person. I thought the hardest part of parenting was having to spend every moment of every day to care for another being to make sure they stayed safe and healthy. That grind of having to always be on and aware of everything around you to keep them out of harm's way is exhausting.
It turns out that it's even harder passing them off and letting them learn to take care of themselves. I mean, he's only two, so I still protect him, but now it's less, and it will continually be less and less as time goes on. He's going to have a life outside of this home, and my head knows that's good, but my heart doesn't totally agree. I see him every day, and I still miss him.
Letting go is tough, but if it leads to me being able to host my 37th birthday party in that treehouse, maybe it'll all be worth it.