My wife recently took a weekend trip to see friends. I’m glad she was able to do so, but it led to my son and I going one-on-one (with the dog as special guest referee) for three straight days. She was gone on Friday morning before he woke up and didn’t come back until Sunday night after he was already sleeping. This is day one of my journey.
Friday
Things got off to a smooth start. The man didn’t wake up until 5 AM which is glorious for him. We went outside and looked at the stars while the dog cruised around unleashed. He told me he doesn’t like the smell of poop bags, and I have to agree with his assessment on that one.
Then, we followed that up with a little play time and had some breakfast where we shared a smoothie and a blueberry muffin (shoutout to Costco on those muffins). Then the whole gang went for a three-mile walk with two of us getting exercise, and all three of us enjoying the fresh air.
After that, I made my first and last TikTok where I just repeatedly powerbombed him on the mattress.
https://www.tiktok.com/@jloncarich/video/6995898177706609925?lang=en&is_copy_url=1&is_from_webapp=v1
I don’t know how to TikTok (and Substack can’t embed TikTok), but that man loves to work the hard camera.
Things actually got more exciting from there as he took a massive dump in his potty, and the relief that both of us felt at that moment was immeasurable. I mean, obviously, he took a load off, but the mental load of knowing he has to poop soon and we would be going out basically meant that there would be a ticking time bomb that could go off at any moment. It is as high stress as parenting gets. Luckily, I knew that we were good to go. Also, right around this time, my wife let me know that she landed, and I sent her a picture of the poop, and let her know, “This just landed too.” I’m very lucky that she actually enjoyed that response and did not cancel her flight home.
Then I take him out shopping. I know he’s not going to love me as much as he loves his Mommy, but I can attempt to close the gap by purchasing his love. We go to Five Below, because my son gets only the best (as long as the price is only up to $5), and I get him a green Lamborghini. It’s pretty sweet. Then we hit up Costco since I need more muffins (and other items). There’s not a lot that kids are interested in at Costco, but they did have these massive Grogu pillows that seemed pretty nice. He’s never seen Star Wars; I’ve only seen one Star Wars movie, but I finished a season of The Mandalorian so I thought this would be a cool thing for him to have. I asked him if he wanted the pillow, and he curtly replied, “No.”
That’s fine by me as I now don’t have to pay $22 for a pillow that is a totally unnecessary purchase for affection. Some lady behind me then tells me that those are the best pillows ever and her grandkids love them. I told her that my son doesn’t want one, and she accused me of lying. The audacity.
Well, I went on my way, but that lady’s voice was in my head. Did I hear my son wrong? Did he not understand somehow? Am I not being the best Dad I can be? As I got near the checkout, I realized I had to go back or the guilt would eat me alive. We went back, and this time when I asked him if he wanted the Grogu pillow, he still said no, because it’s just a little weird green guy pillow in his eyes. I’m both mad at that lady and my weak mental fortitude.
We got home, and the little man got another prize. His Mom left him, “Love You Loops,” an idea she stole from Jodi Platypus’s Mom on Daniel Tiger.
Well, it was a massive hit, as I was able to give him the clue, and then he was able to sprint off and search for what his present would be. He was very excited when he went into the guest bedroom, looked under a pillow, and found a car. I honestly had no idea what he was getting until he opened things up, because my wife could probably hide a subletter, and it would take me a week to find them (this isn’t because our house is huge; it’s because I only pay attention to what is directly in front of me at all times, and I barely venture off of my normal courses).
After that, I fix him buttered noodles with pepperoni for lunch. As I get his plate at the table for him, I realize that I forgot to make myself lunch, and I have no idea how I’m going to eat before he naps. I grab a protein bar to hold me over, but I make a mental note that I also need to eat when he eats.
Then it’s time for swimming, because it’s better to do activities than give him time with idle hands. He can be a monster with idle hands, so swimming worked very well for both of us. It was a good final activity to get him exhausted for nap time.
Ah yes, nap time. Glorious nap time. I was able to finally eat some steak tacos (I made enough to get me through the weekend so I didn’t have to think about making any food over the weekend). Then it was just peace and quiet and Dad recovery time. God bless nap time.
He napped for two hours which was awesome, but he woke up in a fury. It took a little while to get calmed down, but thanks to the help of half an episode of Clifford and looking at monster truck gifs for a bit, we were able to get things more relaxed. We had some play time before dinner, and bonus for me, I actually strategized enough where I could also eat dinner at the same time as him. I should mention that I’m basically on the schedule of a 70-year-old, and by 5:30, I would be incredibly cranky to not have had dinner. If I had to wait until after 7:00, things would not be pretty.
After dinner, we usually take a bath to get him clean before bed, but he insists on a shower so that means we’re both taking a shower. As a true dude does, he immediately pees down the drain. He didn’t pee on my feet so I have to take this as a victory.
Finally, we wind down. He plays with cars and trucks for another half hour. Then I take him to his bedroom, read him a few books and sing him some lullabies as he drifts off to sleep. And yes, his current lullaby of choice is Biz Markie’s “Just a Friend.”
Despite not having Mom around, we both had what the other needed.